Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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