Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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