I think im going to throw up on grandma
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
