Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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