connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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