I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize