Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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