I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
only if we run a train.
done.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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