If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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