in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
