Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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