I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
