just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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