He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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