Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
