btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
