You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
