She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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