if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize