Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
