I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
