well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
