If that was your dad, he is hot
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
