NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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