Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You ate ashes out of my bong
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
