Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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