They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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