How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
