you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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