Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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