Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
