how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
