My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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