Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
this is an emotional support booty call
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
