Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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