Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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