Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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