All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
