Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize