There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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