woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
