all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
