____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Text me some of your sweat
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
