Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
