She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
