I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize