I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I need mimosas to revive my soul
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
