and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
