it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
