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• (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.

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• (585): View more from New York

  "I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.

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• (347): View more from New York

  ....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward

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• (407): View more from Florida

  You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"

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