I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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