Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
