a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
