i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
