I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
