So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
