I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
