Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
