Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
is it fun? or sober?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
