party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
