I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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