Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
