Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
