guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
