What did we do last night that was yellow?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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