Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
