I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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