Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
