I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
