He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
