She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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