I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
