I just saw a hot homeless man
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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