i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
false alarm, still single
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