i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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