The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
