mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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