She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
