As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
