I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
