so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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