I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
