He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
