No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
