Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
