So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
