I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
