I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize