This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
