yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
