thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
