Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
birth control should be required to get into college
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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