I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
