Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
