Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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