Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
