Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
