I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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